Ónoma Ὄνομα
by Diana Lua
Summary: If your life lasted just one more day, would you allow yourself to remain trapped by an endless cycle of sorrow? If the one that you are dreaming of was forbidden, would you give up your own name, your very identity, just to live out that fantasy? [AU; 'Where my demons hide' side story; Angst; Shounen-ai; yaoi/lemon at ending (Angel incest); Pairing Duo & Solo (a bit of 6 2)]
1. Intro

**Summary:**

 _If your life lasted just one more day, would you allow yourself to remain trapped by an endless cycle of sorrow? Would you still be willing to carry a secret for an eternity, afraid to shoot for the stars because of who you are? If the one that you are dreaming of was forbidden, would you give up your own name, your very identity, just to live out that fantasy?_

 **Warnings:**

 _ **Pairing**_ _: Duo & Solo;  
Other pairing (mention): 6+2; Naina & Milou; Hilde+2; 9+6_

 _Angst; Shounen-ai; probably yaoi/lemon at ending; Angel incest;_

 _Alternating scenes Povs, (Duo, Solo, and third person); Indiscriminate use of angels' names and similarities; Indiscriminate alteration of the original characters' names to become angel-ish; Indiscriminate use of biblical events._

 _This is a side-story from ' **Where my demons hide** ', but can be read independently of it.  
The timeline is about a millennium before the main story and there were no huge spoilers, so whatever read this or the main first, or both at the same time, or just one of them. ^_^ Despite Solo's fate (revealed in the main one, chapter 7), this story will end before it, so can be told that it has a 'happy ending'. :/_

 _The phrases that break the scenes are parts of the lyrics from '_ _ **If today was your last day**_ ' _by Nickelback. The cover version from Olga Rysina (Oly Day) was the one that inspired me here._

 _This story is just fiction and is not meant as a critique, promotion, or anything related to any kind of religion or sect or whatever._

 _English is not my mother language and mine is just rubbish (sorry about that!) But,_ _ **Cylina Nightshade** agreed to look at this one too, so, there is some hope!_

 **About the names:**

 _Only Duo and Solo have actual true angel's names. This story is meant to explain why they start to use Duo and Solo instead of their birth given names._ _ **Solo**_ ' _s given name is_ _ **Suriel**_ _, and was chosen just because it starts with the letter 'S';_ _ **Duo**_ ' _s given name is_ _ **Malahidael**_ _, and was chosen because the meaning is courage (the 'why', sorry, won't be explained here, just in the main story), I also liked the use of the short '_ _ **Dael**_ _, it's somewhat cute and I found myself fond of it._

 _The names of the other characters suffered alteration at the end to become 'angel-ish', I added suffixes like 'ael', 'iel', 'uel', 'h' or 'th'. I didn't want to change all the names because that would just mess with things unnecessarily._

 **About this universe:**

 _Earth, Heaven and Hell are physically separate worlds._

 _Heaven is divided into nine spheres (named according to "Paradiso", the third part of the "Divine Comedy", by Dante Alighieri). They are, in order: The Moon, Mercury, Venus, The Sun, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Fixed Stars and Primum Mobile. This story takes place mainly in Saturn (the seventh sphere) and the Earth._

 _The angels here can 'fly' with just a thought between Heaven's spheres and Earth, just disappearing and appearing. They have no blood, their organs are 'frozen', so no need to breathe or eat. Sleep still needed for recovery reasons. They live by their 'grace', it's a glowing energy inside their bodies (much like in the 'Supernatural' series). They have souls and definite sex types. The use of their grace depends on physically having wings._

 _The angelic hierarchy is alike the 'nine choirs of angel' from Catholicism, divided into three classes: the God's nearest, the middle ones and the human's nearest. Each class has three or more kinds of angels. Each kind has different physical characteristics, like: hair and eyes colors; stature; body frame; form, size and composition of wings; grace's color. Besides the inherent characteristics that were actually linked with their souls and the function that they are made/born for._

 _I won't tell much about the classes and kinds to not spoil the main story ^.~ Also, there is no need here._

 ** _See ya_ ^_^ _  
Diana Lua_**


	2. Against the grain

**Ὄνομα  
Ónoma**[1]

* * *

 **"** ** _Against the grain should be a way of life"_**

* * *

It wasn't common for the others to come to Earth when not for a mission call.

I never could help myself about this; once there was no atmosphere in Heaven, it wasn't possible to see those amazing colors on the sky when the sun rose and set. Every day, every time is a different spectacle. I never would get tired of watching it. So yeah, I was used to escaping every chance I had to come down here. I did it like always, but I was aware that lately, I've been doing it more than usual.

Another thing that dragged me down here is the flying. Our wings have many uses, but one that angels totally ignore is the capacity of physical flight; because we can move at the speed of thought, simply disappearing from one place to appear in another. It's fast and very efficient, but it's not fun.

Flying, physically, like the birds, is… amazing. You can feel the wind blowing against your whole body, it is almost a fight. So yeah, I enjoy fighting against the wind very much, to just soar over the sea, between the mountains. The others don't understand that feeling.

"'Dael…"

It didn't really surprise me to hear the calling of the shortened form of my name. My older brother, my friend, my best friend, just appeared beside me; I was waiting for it, he was the one who always was sent to find me and bring me back.

We were different kinds. He was a warrior, the highest category. Taller than me by more than one head, with strong and broad shoulders. Warriors have an impressive body form that was needed to be able to handle and use those massive inorganic wings of theirs. Completely different from mine. They have huge metallic wings, of which the main structure was a very intricate frame in dark steel, coming to two large tips and curving up in two bends forming the primary and secondary coverts. The feathers were also metallic, but finer, in white silver, with sharp tips; some were very long and had signs engraved, which shone in red when their grace power was used. Wings so big that even just one bent was enough to shield his whole body **[2]**.

They are all a bit stoic, like having feelings, or at least showing them, was some weakness, a shame, and his kind was on top of the rank. They can usually make others flinch with just their presence, and because of that, even though most of the angels were arrogant, they were called haughty. For me, he never was like that at all; imposing for sure, but he was always understanding and kind, even when he shouldn't be.

I tilted my head, giving a sheepish, cute look. "Hey, Sury."

He rolled his icy eyes because of the girly shortened form **[3]** of his name but smiled even so. They hate all those nicknames that I love to use, but it was long since they stop complaining about it, with the centuries passing by they just gave up, realizing that I wouldn't stop it.

"It's the second time this week…"

"Can you blame me?" I said and saw concern in his eyes so, I amended a bit, "Look at this sky!"

It was just the very moment when the gray starts to turn to pale clear blue that, actually, was almost the same color of his eyes. It looked like someone had sliced a big cloud in uncountable parts, the gray-blue sky was all covered by thin fluffy clouds, with somewhat dark shadows of the fading night and the red and gold light, from the sun rising over the horizon, painting just one side of each. It was unique and amazing.

He turned to look at it and took some time doing it. I knew he probably didn't enjoy it the same way as I, but he was just always sweet like that, trying to understand the things about me that were so alien to him and the others. I really appreciated his efforts for that, the same way I appreciated other things on him, a bit more than I should, since he was my dear brother.

The only thing subtle on him was his hair. His kind had this thin light hair, in a blond so pale that it was nearly white. His was wavy, not very long, reaching his shoulder blades. It was so thin that, down here on Earth, it was always floating with the wind, and he needed to use a bandana to keep the strands off his eyes.

"You really love seeing this, don't you?"

He turned back to me, and I averted my eyes fighting to not let him notice where I was looking instead of the mentioned sky.

"You can tell just from the number of times that you needed to go all the way down from Saturn to pursue me."

He snorted, faking his irritation, I could tell just from the light in his eyes that he wasn't bothered because of it. Suriel was the closest to me, I always could see some sparkle, some warmth when he looked at me. The others were always on his case because of that, they said that he indulges me too much. I was glad that he didn't care about the others' criticism, I kind of need his kindness. Unfortunately, that didn't mean that he allowed me to see his feelings anyway.

His kind was the most skilled warriors on god's army; showing his emotions would be a weakness, a huge flaw. For me, the one that was made to read the energy that lies in all things, it was very… lonely. Sometimes my chest ached wanting to ask him to open up to me, but I never dared put it to words; partly because I held so much respect for him and didn't want to ask for something that could make him feel uncomfortable, partly because… I wouldn't know what to do if I found that I was nothing more than part of his duty.

Because at the end, even though we were brothers and lived like family, even though he expended almost all his free time with me, even though we appeared to be so close, at the very end I'm his duty, his responsibility. I have no clue where the line between duty and real feelings lies. And in these rough times, with such hard and painful missions, I just wished I could feel something different, something good for a change; I'd been thinking that probably even if it was just his care, it could alleviate a bit of this black hole inside me. It was becoming bigger in a way that I almost wasn't able to ignore anymore.

"It's not like you to be this quiet…"

I was lost daydreaming and his fingers pulled my chin up to look inside my eyes, questioning. I smiled at him and could tell that he wasn't satisfied, but he didn't ask me anything about what was worrying him.

"Can we go now?"

He pointed out that all the clouds were white and fluffy without the color effect anymore. The sky was my main excuse for coming down here, but it was much more than just seeing the scenery. There was nothing near our temple in Saturn **[4]** , and living with two triads of warriors… I felt too strongly the lack of feelings around me. Everything was too… empty up there. With the millenniums passing, that emptiness kind of penetrated inside me.

"You can go first, I need to stay a bit more…"

He raised one eyebrow questioning. He was not irritated and I knew he couldn't understand. At least he was always trying.

"I just want to fly a bit…"

He straightened his back, laughing and turn to me with a little smile on his lips. I'm sure he wanted to scold me, but he just couldn't. Yeah, he indulged me with those little things that I liked so much.

"I'll wait for you."

"Why…" I said, rising from where I was sitting, feeling suddenly bold, "don't you come with me?" He showed a surprised expression that disappeared when I added, "These huge wings of yours looked rusty, they could use some real exercise…"

I extended my open hand in a clear invitation, and for a moment I could tell that he had hesitated, maybe trying to understand why I liked that so much, maybe he wanted to come with me, but he did not give in. Too much training, too much discipline, too many restraints holding him back.

"There's nothing rusty, I have them properly exercising in combat training, you know." His tone was somewhat serious and proud, but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips. He took my hand to kiss the back, "Go. I'll wait for you."

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written in: Feb/23/2017 - Published: Jul/28/2017_

 _Beta Reader: Cylina Nightshade (Jul/2017)_

 _Last change: Sep_ _/15/2017_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[1]** From Greek: Name.

 **[2]** Solo's wings were very difficult to describe. There was an image of the wings that inspired me (it's from Aion 5.3) in the public album on facebook (link on my profile) and when I have time I will do a proper drawing.

 **[3]** I don't know if Sury sounds girly, but once I had a friend that we used this shortened form for her complex Indian name, it sounds like a girl name to me. ^_^

 **[4]** The seventh sphere of Heaven, in accordance to Dante's Comedy.

* * *

 _# This one will have short parts... each one should be a scene in a one-shot, but because it was too big and I'm too slow and with not much time, I decided that slice it would be better;_

 _# **Cylina** is the best and agreed to look at this one too! So, my poor English have some hope._

 ** _Liked Duo being an angel?_**


	3. Stone unturned

**Ὄνομα  
Ónoma**

* * *

 _ **"Leave no stone unturned"**_

* * *

The sharp and loud sounds of heels stepping hastily on the alabaster floor mirrored the irritation in the female voice **[5]** , "He is not here..."

Suriel cracked open just one eye to see the other angel standing in front of him, stamping her combat boot and looking down to him with a frown.

"Again!" she added, snorting annoyed, expecting more than just an eye opening from the other, who was all sprawled on the floor, instead of doing his job; a pile of scrolls was lying untouched beside him.

"Why are you angry with _me_? He is my responsibility as much as yours and Zechsael's, Nainah **[6]**!" Suriel said, at last, opening both eyes and bracing himself up a bit.

The female angel sharpened her icy eyes, they appeared to have just a few blue mixed in the light gray. Nainah's hands left her waist to cross in front of her chest, trapping the two thin braids that her hair was tied in. Like Suriel, she had a very delicate platinum blonde hair; hers was very long, down to the small of her back and all straight. Very much like Zechsael, she had vast long bangs, divided in the middle, framing her serious face.

"Because _you_ are the one that spoils him so much!"

Suriel sit up looking back at her with a frustrated expression, he internally wished to defend himself, telling her that he did not, but he couldn't, just because that would be a lie.

"I can't see any problem in his _jaunts_ … he needs-"

"He isn't supposed to wander around without protection…" she was still staring hard at the other, but in the end she was worried. "And why does he need so much of it? Lately, we can almost never find him if he isn't knocked down recovering."

Suriel let his eyes wander to outside, capturing the soft light that the clouds reflected and the darkness of the sky at the horizon. In his mind, he really wanted to know what were 'Dael's true needs. He would do anything for him; literally, anything.

"I wish I knew…" he whispered very low, more to himself.

However, it was heard and the female knelt in front of him, her cold eyes looking intently. "If _you_ don't know… there isn't hope for the rest of us..." She let loose a sigh of frustration. She really didn't mind that much about the proximity the two of them shared and about how Suriel let their youngster do things that he shouldn't. Nainah, actually, was glad that at least one of them could be softer with Malahidael, he was a far different kind and he had different needs, but she would never admit it to Suriel.

"These missions... he hates it so much. And since what happened in the flood **[7]**... he seemed to be depressed. I don't know how… how to help him."

"That was… " But, there weren't words to describe it. There was nothing that they could have done at that time, nothing that anyone could have done. It was a big mission, which reunited four angels of 'Dael's kind, and Cassiel was one of them, the main one to that mission. And no one had noticed until it was too late, until he had spent more energy than he could bear, until he had used the last drop of his grace and his body fell lifeless from the sky into deep waters, crowded with human bodies.

Almost a century later and no explanations were delivered. Nobody appeared to understand what had happened to him. It was a big deal with their leader. Nonetheless, what Nainah and Suriel remember very well, was the dark silence and the pain in 'Dael's eyes when he woke up. He had never said a thing, but he looked different, like he knew something, and whatever it was, it did not appear to be good.

"So, isn't that a major motive for him to stay here near us?" The grave voice came from the other side of the room, where the other male angel was leaning on the column, all focused on the scroll that he was working on. Zechsael was the _new_ one in their triad, he had come just a couple of millenniums ago to substitute the one that was transferred. "Want me to go look for him?"

The asking was just politeness; there was no other but Suriel that knew all the favorite places of their young brother. Malahidael was a huge mystery, someone with a level of complexity that they all couldn't understand or reach. Suriel was the one that could go a little further, but even he lately hadn't been capable of comprehending whatever was bothering the youngster.

"It's ok…" Suriel said, getting out of the place inside his head, rising and tidying his burgundy tunic. "I know where he probably is."

"You always know…"

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written in: Feb/23/2017 - Published: Sep/01/2017_

 _Beta Reader: Cylina Nightshade (Sep/2017)_

 _Last change: Sep/15/2017_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[5]** I feel the need to explain a thing here: at first, I wasn't sure if they would really talk or just would communicate mentally. That's because the angels don't breathe, and that leads me to think that they wouldn't have air in the heaven, which would make talking impossible (because the sound is a material wave and needs a material medium to travel). Well, I didn't think the heaven spheres were the actual planets, they are more like other 'planes' or 'dimensions', but inside my head, each one could have some astronomical characteristics of the planets that nominated it. So, in Saturn, there is no air or atmosphere like Earth, but it has some other gases, and it would be enough to use for talking - I like it better this way. (Also, we can laugh, imagining them sounding with funny voices - like when someone inhales helium from a balloon - since Saturn's atmosphere is made up predominantly of hydrogen and helium. Hehe ^_^)

 **[6]** I said that I was playing with the names, so Zechs + ael and Naina + h. Naina Peacecraft is a Frozen Teardrop character, she is one of Zechs' and Noin's twins, and she looks just like her father.

 **[7]** Yes, the Great Flood in Genesis biblical book.

* * *

 _# **Cylina** is my beta-angel ^_^_

 _#_ RhysTalCernunnos _thanks for reviewing, I'm glad that you are loving this and the main one. ^_^_

 ** _How about this blond triad of angels?  
I need to confess that I and my muse are in love with Solo/Suriel here..._**


	4. Given rights

**Ὄνομα  
Ónoma**

* * *

 ** _"... each day's a gift and not a given right"_**

* * *

I felt the smile growing wide on my lips at sight of Suriel's big wings. He was standing on top of the mountain that was one of my special places. I didn't care about his crossed arms nor his serious face. I knew him better and kept to my soaring with no hurry, letting the wind carry me, drying the water that was dripping all over me, tangling my long hair.

"Sury!" I called him in the middle of a laugh while landing over him and threw my arms around his neck. He caught me, but had to use his huge wings to get balance, to not let both of us fall down, the long metallic feathers at the base of his back grounding hard in the rocks.

"Malahidael!" he shouted in surprise. I was all wet and when he noticed it he tried at the same time to push me away and gather me in his arms holding my messy landing. I stuck my tongue out at him, grabbing his large shoulders and letting the water of my long wings drip all over him.

I didn't like the use of my full name like that, it sounded strange to my ears. The others used to say that I was silly, that there was nothing wrong with it, it was a strong name with a strong meaning. Even so, I rather liked the use of nicknames, it sounds more… intimate, homelike.

"You are too much!" he said when we stopped with that play of pull and push. Not trying to hold back his amusement, he just held me, one muscular arm circling my waist still keeping me off the ground, while the other hand shoved away the wet hair plastered on my face. "What were you doing, _mister_?"

"Flying…?" I couldn't contain the mischievous smile even trying to just look innocent.

"And about all of this water?"

"Diving…?" his light expression changed for a one more serious and I just said in advance, "Come on… spare me the speech. I was just... having some fun." I freed myself from his arms, going to sit down on a large plain rock to wait for the sunset.

"'Dael…"

I noticed, from the corner of my eyes, him turning to me with his hands on both sides of his hips. I refused to look at him, not wanting to be scolded; I was finally feeling a better mood today and just wanted to enjoy it a bit. Suriel, who knew me very well, just amended what he had prepared to say. "It's just worrying about you. I know the way you 'dive', flying straight up high and letting your body fall down with a huge acceleration to go deep in the water... what if you break a wing?"

I had other 'what if's in my mind, break a wing was none of them, but I didn't want to think of those dark things, so, I just tried a light approach, "If this happens... I just need to call you to save me." I knew he would come in the very same instant, and he knew it too.

He snorted and I felt the weight of his gaze on me, but I kept my eyes on the sky and didn't return it, he let go and came to sit behind me, putting one leg on each side of me and pushing my wings down to get out the way. "What a mess…" he mumbled, not sounding upset at all. I relaxed and just enjoyed the feeling of his fingers running over my damp and tangled hair. Thick and brown like the earth, shining with some red or golden hues when the sunlight was on it, was what he had said many times before. I thought that he enjoyed brushing it, and I, for sure, loved when he did it.

I chuckled softly, closing my eyes and forgetting about the sky and the colors that were my main excuse to go down to Earth. He made me relax and be almost at ease. Almost, because that black bubble inside me was just too hard to completely ignore. Suriel was one thing that made me feel better; kind of sheltered, kind of cared for, knowing that hidden inside him there was something more, something beyond his training and his duty should allow. I felt bad that even with this knowledge I still needed more, needed to really 'see' his feelings, needed to gather that light inside me.

I didn't know how much time we stayed there, the sky was already dark when he finally stopped brushing my hair. I leaned back, on his chest and his arms came circling around my waist almost instinctively. Good that my wings are soft and smaller than his, even so, they were in the way, so I shifted to the side, getting cozy in his arms and resting my head on his shoulder.

"Can we go?" he whispered against my hair, holding me tighter with obviously no intention to get out of the way we were.

"How much trouble will you be in to take that long to get me back?" I lifted my head to look at his eyes, just to let him know that I didn't want to go anywhere.

"You have no idea…" he said joking and I didn't bother to say anything more. I loved feeling that intimacy, just being that near, being held by him. I almost could forget all the things in my life that I hated so much. I would have done anything to know if he enjoyed it like me.

I tilted my head back, sighing, my eyes trying to find some answer in the black sky. At night, our sky in Saturn was more beautiful than Earth's, with the thin atmosphere not dimming the light, the stars were brighter and stunning.

I was pulled out of my thoughts with the ghosting of his claws on my jawline. I found him looking down at me, the moon light behind him, covering his face in shadows. I could feel the intensity of his gaze, but couldn't even guess what he was thinking.

"You appeared to be... happy today."

I smiled back, letting the side of my head rest on his shoulder. Truth to be told, it was a bearable day; happy wasn't exactly the way I felt, but also wasn't depressed either. At the end, having him like that made the day almost as a gift.

"I wish to see you like this more often…"

He whispered, letting his fingers draw over my cheek, there was a moment and I could tell that he was waiting for me to say something; because I didn't know what say I just remained in silence.

"I know that you haven't been feeling good lately. Why don't you talk to me, baby brother?"

"I…" What to say? I barely understood myself. It was just a feeling, a sensation, so heavy and dark... I would just worry him if I told him, and I was pretty sure that he knew what was causing it, just not the way it had been affecting me. These last centuries we had been stuck in this destructive cycle, with all that need punishment; it was just too much to bear. Every time we had a new call for a mission… I cannot stop thinking about Cassiel, about the way that he just wanted all of these stopped and at the end... I still could feel his feelings, and they were just so near my own.

He caressed my face and I noticed that I had closed my eyes. He leaned down and placed a kiss on my forehead, taking a moment more than a heartbeat, "Talk to me..."

His voice was so warm, so kind; I more felt the words against my skin than heard. I was suddenly flooded by need, by yearning. I was glad that his type didn't have the ability to read feelings because, at that moment, all of mine were open and exposed. I opened my eyes, sure they were feverish and uncertain. If my heart had a beat, it would be racing. Still not knowing what to say, so I rose a bit, just to reach him and brushed my lips on his, in the same chaste way he had kissed me, letting it linger just a moment more.

Deep inside, I knew I was almost crossing a line that I shouldn't, but there was no way of him knowing it. He should take that as of one my affectionate and impulsive gestures, that he still didn't understand.

The sad thing was that, even though each of us was made a specific way, to be a specific tool, the angelic hierarchy was strong, we should obey the will of the ones above us. We were much too restrained, much too chained, much too uptight. Our days were given rights, but we had to pay for each of them. We needed to do what we were told, what we were made to. I wished I could tell him how near the edge of my endurance I was. That I was walking on a wire without my wings to balance myself, and didn't have any idea if I would be able to make the next step, the next day, the next mission. I wasn't sure about anything anymore, I wanted to tell him that I didn't want to do that anymore.

"I'm just tired…"

I could see by the shadows on his forehead that he was frowning, he grabbed my chin to angle me and look deeper inside my eyes, trying to read with the means that he had. I tried to push away, averting my eyes, but he didn't allow me. I couldn't move an inch with his strong arms grabbing me very tightly. Instead, he pulled me even nearer, burying his nose on top of my head. "I'm here for you, baby brother. Whatever you need, it's yours..."

His voice was thick and he didn't have any idea of what he was offering me. I knew I needed to exert myself and get a better hold on this black thing inside me. I nodded and just stayed in his crushing embrace.

"It's passed the time to go…" he said after a while, releasing me and rising up.

I didn't stop him, not sure of how much time had passed, but knowing that it was much more than should have. There was some moonlight reflecting on his metallic wings, making his face dark, hidden by shadows, leaving me with no clue about what he was thinking. I was too different from him, too different from the others, maybe it was just because I was really much younger. I wondered if, with time, I could ignore those things that appear to be so wrong at that moment. If I could control and shut away my feelings better, the way they did.

I took the hand offered to me, letting him help me stand up, and tried to alleviate the tension around us. "Well, I had some credits… This was the first time in almost a month."

Suriel kissed the back of my hand and smiled, in a way that let me know that he found my behavior as childish as adorable, and I thought that everything would be alright since he was by my side.

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written in: Feb/23/2017 -_ _Published: Sep/15/2017_

 _Beta Reader: Cylina Nightshade (Sep/2017)_

 _Last change: Sep/15/2017_

* * *

 _# **Cylina Nightshade** thanks so really very much for all help with the English! My beta-angel!_

 _# My thanks to Marl Paz for the lovely reviews! _

_# I need to tell that I have an injury in my elbow and I'm not allowed to type for now, so the chapter 8 from Where my demons hide was really really delayed, also the next one of this will take a while. Sorry about that! This one was already ready since the beginning of the month, that is the only reason that I could post it._

 ** _Feedback is a dream that my muse has!_**  
 _ **I just die with cuteness imagining Solo calling Duo 'baby brother' … #^_^# Aren't they cute?**_


	5. Broken heart

**Ὄνομα  
Ónoma**

* * *

 _ **"Would you make it up by mending a broken heart? If today was your last day..."**_

* * *

"Suriel! He's gone!"

The accusatory tone in the shouting made me very angry. "So what?" I snorted, and couldn't help but mirror the accusation in my voice "Aren't you the one helping him with the gear? How come he slipped from your hands, Nainah?"

She was a bit smaller than me even with the heels of her combat boots, but for sure it didn't seem it with her haughty attitude, staring at me with her icy eyes and hands on her hips. "I turned my back for a second, just a second, to find a tie for his braid, and when I turned back he was gone. Just like that."

I crossed my arms with a sarcastic smile, I would retort that, and she would use that 'I was the one who spoils him' line again, but before any of us could carry on, a strong commanding voice came behind us.

"We're running out of time."

It was Zechsael speaking, without turning to us, but obviously putting himself between and against any discussion. Duty first, and I just swallowed what I wanted to say to Nainah, ignoring her reproachful sigh and flew out of there, right down the Earth. After all, I was the only one that knew the places where he usually went, there was no point sending Nainah looking for him, even if she was the one that let him slip away.

Still, when I couldn't find 'Dael on the three first places that occurred to me, I started to worry. We were already on a tight schedule, big mission that even included a debriefing with the commander in person. It hit me that 'Dael would be very dreary. He had been sad and depressed already, it was quite easy for Nainah or Zechsael, even for me, to tell something that gets him to the edge of whatever he was dealing with. It's his nature be very sensitive, and we… we aren't exactly careful, we are warriors, tough and rustic. I felt guilty thinking that I should be the one to help him get ready because I could deal with his… delicacy just a bit better than the others.

I stopped for a moment, trying to figure out where 'Dael could be. He obviously wasn't really childishly hiding; he must be on the verge of losing it, otherwise, he wouldn't do this kind of thing. This thought twisted my guts, making the urge of finding him even bigger.

I wasn't worried about our time schedule, I would let Zechsael handle it if there was some delay. After the flood's accident, our commander was replaced, and the new one has a special consideration for him, so it was quite easy for her to take any explanations from him. So, I truly didn't give a damn if he liked doing it or not. Just wanted to find 'Dael to ensure that he was okay. At least, as okay as it was possible for the situation.

I quickly scanned through the places that our little brother used to go to calm himself down inside my head. I had a gut feeling about some cliff near the sea, in a very isolated part of Earth and flew to there. It's a small band of white sand, surrounded by a horseshoe formation of rocks, all designed and molded beautifully by ocean waves bashing on it through the centuries **[8]**.

Right as soon as I appeared there I could define his retracted form on top of the rocks. His face was down, hiding in his knees that were pulled to his chest, missing the red and yellow colors of the sunset that he loved so much. The ocean waves appeared to be a bit too violent that day, crashing hard on the rocks, making veils of salt water and foam at every strike. I wondered how much of that violence was related to his mood.

However, just when I came near I could really see that he was far more upset than I realized. His graceful long white wings were sprawled in abandon down the rocks, wet, splashed with sand and salt by the water, as much as his braided hair.

He didn't notice me, but I notice his shoulders quivering and the fact that he was crying out loud alone like that hit me like a punch in the stomach.

"'Dael…" I more fell than knelt beside him, my armor and wings hitting loudly against the rocks. He kind of jump, grabbing his knees tight and turning his face to the other side; the movement of his arm clearly telling me that he was drying it. I let my hand caress his hair, through the strands that were loose from his untied braid getting sand and salt off it. "Come on baby brother…" I needed to insist, so he finally looked at me. Shocked was too light a word to define what I felt when I saw his eyes, the depth of the pain in his beautiful exotic eyes. "I'm sorry little one…" I didn't know what to say, what to do. I just pulled him into my arms and he didn't resist; actually, he almost came by himself, grabbing me hard by the neck, making our chest armor clang with the sudden and fierce movement. He held me tight, so tight, clawing me. Not that it bothered me, it was the fact that he was the most sorrowful state that I ever had seen, at the point that he could claw me without notice that it bothered me.

"It's not... fair..." the words were almost inaudible against the skin of my neck, especially the last one like he didn't really want to say it out loud.

I tenderly caressed his hair, trying to find a way to hold him better, between our two complete sets of gear, to make him more comfortable. I wish I had any idea on how to ease some of his pain. "Our duty is just to apply the sentences... not to judge…"

"You have no idea how it feels… all that despair, the fear, the sadness… I… just can't…"

He choked with the words, incapable of continuing. I knew he was fighting against his tears, against his pain, he was trying to hide how miserable he was feeling and failing completely.

"I'm sorry baby brother... so sorry."

I had no idea how to help, even though I have a very good knowledge about him, about what was going on, he would never let me know directly. "Tell me what to do…" I whispered in his ear, knowing that it probably would go far past the boundaries of what I could do, about what I actually have the power to do. But my concern for him was bigger; he was the most important thing to me. If there was something that I could do to help him… I would do it.

It took a little while until he rose his head to look at me. His beautiful bright purple eyes shining, lightened by the moistening of his tears, so full of… need. The pain was utterly showing in his eyes, in his face, so real, so strong. It just made me more determined, "Tell me baby brother, I will do anything for you. Tell me how to help… please?"

He stayed still staring at me, thinking deep on something, maybe looking for something inside me. The darkness of the twilight not allowing me to decipher what. Not that I could do it anyway, it's just sometimes, when he actually allowed me to... _see_. 'Dael could be young, could be pure and sensitive, but he was far from innocent, from naive. He had, actually, the deepest soul that I had ever met in my billions years of life **[9]**. Also, I'm sure that he didn't let it be easily shown, it was like there were two of him: the sweet and childish one, and this serious and suffering, really hidden other one. The first is the one that he let everyone see, that he uses to make everyone like and love him. The second… is like he wanted to keep deep, locked, to let no one see. I could only get some glimpses, in those moments of vulnerability, I could see it inside his long, deep stares.

His complexity was what made him so special, so unique, I didn't think that I could get even near to fully understanding him, neither having the eternity to try. Also, this complexity was what made him suffer so much. I could see him trying to deal with... things that I don't understand, he was drowning and I didn't have any idea how to rescue him, this had been killing me. Sometimes he looks like he wants to ask or tell me something, but he doesn't dare. Despite that I was always forcefully shutting away... every feeling inside me, just afraid of him seeing the side of me that I don't want him to, I would like to know what it is that he was looking for. I wish I could give him this little bit of trust that was lacking, so he could share whatever he wants with me.

For a warrior like me, I was ashamed to admit that he caught me totally off guard. It satisfied me that I didn't jump or do anything about the scare when he grabbed both sides of my face and roughly pulled me down to merge our lips together.

It was rough not because of force, but for his obvious inexperience dueling with some… despair. I was much too shell-shocked to do anything other than staying frozen. And even if I wasn't… surprised, to say the least, I wouldn't know what to do. I always avoided kissing him on the lips, despite never having denied the chaste brotherly kisses that he had given me on rare occasions; this wasn't one of those. His lips were cold and salty against mine. I didn't dare open my lips to really kiss him, even though his tongue dangled over the small parting of my own. I didn't dare to think nor move an inch, I didn't dare to feel the softness and the reluctance of his mouth, I was too afraid. I just let him have whatever he needed, whatever that was, I couldn't understand what that kiss meant and choose not to try, for my own sake.

The only thing that I dared to think was that it lasted too little. 'Dael had his eyes closed the whole time and stopped without opening them, just pulling away as suddenly as he had started, burying his face in my neck right away.

I was still struggling with myself, trying to keep in control, it took all of my will and I thought that I wouldn't be able to. So, it took me some time to notice his sobs, the warm moistening of tears, his bright white tears against my skin. And that, made me forget everything else, and my voice found itself on its own trying to shush him, whispering things to comfort, trying to calm him down, just sheltering him in some way.

I had no idea how much time it took until he slept in my arms, holding on for dear life to the straps of my armor. I wouldn't dare wake him for anything in the world, I couldn't handle this much... suffering. If there was any chance to call off that mission I would have. But... that was too far outside my power, outside the powers of any of us, even the commander's power. What I could do was spare him as much as possible from the things that I knew would upset him more. So, I settled my mind, closed my expression in a cold, haughty and frightening one, held him protectively and flew back to our temple hall in Saturn.

"What took so long?"

Nainah's voice was loud and annoying, but she shut her mouth as soon as she turned and saw the cold scowl on my face. Her eyes turned to 'Dael, even sleeping, his body was rigid and clutched at me.

"He was _that_ upset?"

The change in her tone was complete, it sounded… almost maternal; well, the most maternal that her arrogance would allow. She came near, looking at his face, shoving his bangs aside to see the tears stains down his cheeks. She produced a small piece of cloth from nowhere and was very careful in cleaning his face.

"Did he say anything to you?" Zechsael was just beside her and asked keeping his deep voice low.

"Not really, just that the mission isn't... fair."

"It's not our place to judge-"

"He knows it." I cut him off, didn't want to deal with his high morals and duty lessons. "It's the way he feels, he can't change it... Nor can we." I added at the end. He was different, not having our long rigid training to not question orders. We just were too accustomed to ignoring our own needs and wants to think about rights and wrongs. He was not.

"I already sent the archangels triad and I need to go now, we're really late. Do you need more help than Nainah to get him ready _fast_?"

I looked him in the eyes to say resolutely: "No, we can go now, he _is_ ready."

My tone didn't leave room for arguing and I saw his eyes widen; his face almost showed some anger when he understood that I had full intention of going with him just like that, sleeping and all.

There was a moment of strong tension, making 'Dael flinch slightly in my arms, but not awaken. I forced myself to relax and shoot a look at him to do the same. We both opened our mouths, but it was Nainah, that was just between us, who talked amending the climate. "This is just sand…" she said while cleaning his armor from the small milky grains. "I can just do something about his hair without waking him up."

"The commander will want him hearing the briefing." Zechsael insisted even forcing himself to drop some of the tension too.

"He doesn't need to hear it… and I don't care about what she wants or not. He is my first and only obligation. I will permit nothing upsetting him more, it's enough what he will be forced to do." I was categorical and prayed for him to not continue insisting.

"It's his duty."

"And he hates it more than anything."

We stare at each other shooting daggers with our eyes. He weighed my words, my resolution, his pride and his obvious dislike about the situation that he wouldn't consider 'proper'. I really could picture him swallowing it all with difficulty, almost choking, when he sighed and his eyes told me that he will drop it.

I held my upset little brother firmly and turned, ready to fly to the central plaza, where we would join the others when he grabbed the base of my wing stopping me.

"He is _our_ first obligation, not just yours, Suriel. But he also needs to learn to better control his… emotions."

That really pissed me off. I was so worried about 'Dael already; he had his heart broken and for sure if he had heard that words he would feel worse; feeling like he wasn't good enough, like he wasn't approved of. I really, really wanted to shove my fist in his mouth and make him eat those words along with his own teeth.

"Enough you two!" Nainah said, grabbing Zechsael's arm and forcing him to let go of my wing.

I must have let too much show on my face and she just took leadership of the situation, her eyes full of annoyance. "Zechsael, go already. You need to explain to the commander that Malahidael isn't feeling well and we will let him sleep until the last minute. Suriel and I will be just behind you, I just need to tidy his hair."

He stepped back and took a moment until nodding and disappearing. I was just thankful, knowing how nearly the whole thing almost escaped from my control. Nainah said nothing, just stepped near and started efficiently and quickly undoing the rest of 'Dael's braid and starting a new one. The look on her face was just showing how much she was displeased by the situation, and I knew that she hadn't exactly taken my side, she just wanted to settle things before it got really ugly, for 'Dael's sake probably.

I couldn't care less at that moment. I was just glad to have it my way, it was the best thing I could do to mend my baby brother's broken heart.

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written: Apr/23 and July/31/2017 - Published: Oct/09/2017_

 _Beta Reader: Cylina Nightshade (Oct/2017)_

 _Last change: Oct/08/2017_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[8]** This is not a specific beach, more like an idea for common formations that I saw when I was in Australia, just amazing and beautiful, looked like the sea had been molding the rocks forever in a very specific pattern… ^_^

 **[9]** If someone is curious, like I explained in the initial notes 'about this universe', the angels are divided into three classes, also each one of these classes have a 'moment' in the creation that defines their ages. Despite all references that I'm using in this story, I'm not totally relying on creationism, I can't help but use a bit of Physics and Astronomy even in a 'medieval-ish/angelic-ish' theme. Anyway, Suriel/Solo's type belongs to the class that was created around the Solar system formation, so he was around 4.5 billions of years old. ^_~

* * *

 _# **Cylina** hugs and kisses for all help! ^_^_

 _# The cover for this story is a drawing inspired by this chapter. It's not ready yet, but can be found in the public album on my facebook (link in my profile)._

 _# Even with the sadness because of feedback lacking, as soon as my arm was recovered my muse wanted work in this one first. So now I'm working on chapter 8 from Where my demons hide._

 ** _OMG! This two just kill me... Solo is sooooooooo nice to Duo, isn't he?_**


	6. Too late

_**\- Merry Christmas!**_

 _ **-** I know I should finish the chapter 8 from Where my demons hide before this one... but I'm just my muse bitch, I do what she tells me to do... and she was in a this Zechs' vibe now..._

 **Warnings** : Zech's Pov and 6+2

* * *

 **Ὄνομα  
** **Ónoma**

* * *

 _ **"If today was your last day, and tomorrow was too late..."**_

* * *

I couldn't believe that I had a moment on that very same day where I thought things would be alright.

I should've known when Malahidael escaped from Nainah. Maybe it wasn't the best call asking for her to help him with the gear for a mission like that; I know the way he gets. However that whole _protective_ attitude of Suriel toward him just… pisses me off. He acted like he was the only one to whom Malahidael was… special. So, selfishly, I didn't want to ask him to.

I know he was vastly different from us, but sometimes I thought that if we were just more rigid with him, maybe he could deal best with his... issues. I could certainly tell that Suriel disagreed… and well, in this case, Nainah too. She was the one that balanced us, being the middle ground, not letting Suriel go too far in his indulgence, nor letting me go too far in my strictness. I needed to admit that I valued her opinion very much and, of course, her attitude when things became heated between me and Suriel; which occurred more often that I would like.

So yeah, things had gone to hell that day long before all six of us were sunk up to our necks in a messy harsh battle. The demons were coming out of nowhere nonstop, relentlessly determined to stop us from destroying the two cities **[10]**. I was not sure why someone above cared anyway, I didn't allow myself much thought on the matter, but it seemed, to me, too much trouble for just teaching humanity a lesson; if that was the meaning of those missions. Seeing their behavior from the beginning, I could tell that they would never truly learn.

As soon as the demons noticed that the main power was coming from the top of the hill, they came attacking us with all their might, trying to prevent the destruction of the cities they had under their dominion and control. If I had anticipated this heavy resistance, I would have thought to find a place further away. Unlike Nemamiah **[11]** , who was in the sky, Malahidael needed to be on the ground to do his part. In the air he would be so much easier to protect, seeing as most of the demons didn't have wings. However, once he had started we couldn't move him anymore, the only thing we could do was deal with it until he was finished.

So, I was far from annoyed; at least, killing that many scums were giving me a way to release the pent-up rage that I had felt earlier since I couldn't really fight with Suriel like I would like sometimes.

Our front line started to break under the waves of demon hordes. I signaled to Nainah and our archangels and we shifted our formation, to prevent them from trying to get higher on the mountain, and Suriel and Gienah **[12]** stayed further back in a close guard of our youngest.

It appeared to be the right call, until I noticed some high-level demons camouflaged between the ordinary ones. It was a trap, they had been waiting for us to lower the guard on top. We hadn't time to change back and form a shield around Malahidael. In seconds our formation was ruined, fighting with those winged garbage. I was just trying to get rid of them quickly, so I could get back to a better strategy when I heard the screams.

The first was a warning, a shouting with Malahidael's name, that sent shivers throughout my body, knowing that while using his power he was in a trance incapable of hearing it. The next was just a noncoherent scream, sounding like pain and death. Both were Gienah's voice.

Suriel was there when she finished the last one, though he was too late to save her from being killed. I didn't need to turn to see the bright yellow explosion of her grace on the top of the hill. Although, what truthfully twisted my guts was the stopping of the Malhidael's power.

Those blasted demons reduced their attack immediately; their only motive being stopping that power. I signaled to Nainah again and she just disappeared, racing to the top of the mountain. I just prayed, hoping nothing serious had happened with Malahidael, while I, with the two archangels, just confirmed that the demons had truly retreated. It didn't take more than a few minutes to have everything back under control, and Lucreziah **[13]** just nodded at me, silently telling me that she and Milouel **[13]** would be finishing those bunches of filth, so I flew to Malahidael.

Up there, I found Gienah's lifeless body laying on the ground, her face hidden, covered by long straight black hair, a huge crater of damage on the center of her chestplate. Suriel and Nainah seemed to be arguing. At first, I even tried to hear them, just wanting to see what had happened, and I was filled with relieve seeing that everything was alright, well, almost.

Malahidael was also laying on the ground, turned in on his side, his head pillowed on Suriel's lap while Nainah examined a piece of spear piercing through his right shoulder. If I was piecing the scene before me together right, Gineah had served as a shield taking the spear hit and giving her life, as should be, to protect him; and even though he still had been harmed, that appeared to be his only injury. His unconscious state was probably because of the energy that he expended in the mission. He always finished in this worn out state, needing to be carried back unconscious to Saturn.

At ease, I could finally pay attention to what they were arguing about.

"Could be poisoned… I'm not sure… if we remove it and spread the toxin, he isn't in any condition to deal with it now…"

"Whatever… leave it there then… just wrap it so I can take him back."

She glared at him but started to tear Malahidael's own white long tunic to make some straps to wrap the shoulder, securing the piece of spear there.

"I will see if we are done and can get him back already…" I said, trying to be helpful, thinking to go find the commander to get our clearance quickly. So, I didn't understand Suriel looking up angry at me.

"He is done. I don't care what they say, I'm taking him back now."

He was irritated, incisive and… so damn haughty. Well, we all are haughty, even so, it was just enough to piss me off, that and everything that had been piling up all that unfortunate day.

"You will wait until I check the orders." I knew I was crossing the line, despite the fact that I was the leader I couldn't order him around, we have the same rank and he actually just gave up his leadership position, because he hates having to do the paperwork and deal with our superiors. But, why in the fucking heaven, he couldn't just wait a bit for me go check the orders? He knew it wouldn't take long. Sometimes I had a feeling that he did this kind of thing meaning to step on my toes.

"I don't want _him_ to wake and see…"

It wasn't just Gienah's body, it was the glowing of her yellow grace that was still floating around us. Yet, if Malahidael wasn't aware of her death, he would be sooner or later. And again that excess of protectionism toward him made me riled up.

We were so focused on glaring, defying each other and Nainah still carefully taking care of the wrapping, that neither of us actually saw it coming. He had expended so much energy that the odds of him waking were small, but in that day, all odds had been against us, so it was just one more.

Because he was turned to the other side and we didn't see him opening his eyes. We only noticed when he tried to move his arm in the direction of Gienah's body.

Suriel just caught it from my eyes glancing that direction. Even Malahidael hadn't made any sound, Suriel just gathered him into his arms, ignoring the unfinished wrapping of his injury, smoothing his hair and shushing him. For a moment it appeared to be an overreaction, that our youngest didn't need. I wanted to yank Malahidael from his arms and finish the tending of his wound by myself. Then, the expression in Suriel face smoothed, turning sad while he was asked about what happened.

Malahidael didn't use proper words, just the movement of his lips, the expression on his face, and Suriel could just guess what he wanted to know. He didn't need to say anything, the flickering of his sad eyes was enough. And I could just see the immediate transformation of the younger's expression, from tired, exhausted even, to one of painful sorrow. The tears brightening behind his eyelashes, sliding down his cheeks. Even though I never said it out loud, I always hated to see him that way. I wished I could do something, say something, but, from experience, my… lack of tact would just make things worse, but I wanted to comfort him some way.

His sobbing was making his body shiver while Suriel tried to keep him from making the wound on his shoulder worst. I didn't have any idea what he was whispering to him, how he always knew what to say and what to do to calm him down. Nainah was just kneeling there incapable of doing anything, just like me.

It may be insensitive on my part to say that I felt saddest for his obvious pain, rather than actually for the death of one of our comrades, but that was just the truth.

Suddenly, Suriel appeared to give up the fight to keep him from struggling, and let himself be embraced tight, hands clenched into fists on his armor. He just shook a very brief look at me, very different from the kind one he wore a moment before, it was just full of rage and daring, that mother fucker. Without saying a word he disappeared from there, against my saying to wait for the orders.

I was inflamed by rage, partly because of that insolence of his always stepping on the rules, partly because of that attitude like he was the only one that cared about… He may be the only one fully capable of dealing with Malahidael, but he was not the only one who cared, nor the only one with the rights over him.

"Zechs! Calm down!"

It was Nainah's voice demanding my attention, using the short name that Malahidael used for me, to call my attention, her hand in a firm grip on the base of my wing, keeping me from flying; she must have thought that I would go after them, after Suriel, and that wasn't the right time for that.

"It's better, taking him out of here…" It was wise and I knew it, just... "Let me go to help him… you finish things here and…" her eyes turned to the body laying on the ground just a few feet away.

"It's alright, I will take care of everything…" I said using all my will and training to keep my composure, putting aside my wanting, my need to be near Malahidael, knowing that I would be more useful for other things. She stared at me for a moment until I nodded and she just disappeared from there too.

Despite the interruption, the mission was already at an end and it was considered complete; the cities had seen enough destruction and most of the humans were killed.

I needed to go to the other group to explain what had happened to us and check if they needed something before our retreat. Nemamiah was unconscious lying in the arms of one her female archangels. Even being the same type as Malahidael she had a very different appearance, short spiked ginger hair and caramel skin, the long wings were the only thing that indicated that they were the same type, maybe the fact of her having exotic eyes too. Her crimson eyes opened heavy as soon as I started reporting to her leader, with a weak and rusty voice she asked if 'Dael was alright. Even though they didn't have too much contact, aside from the missions where more than one of them was requested, they have some kind of link, some understanding, maybe they just felt things in the same way.

I wanted to assure her that everything was ok with him, but her skeptical look almost burned me, telling me that she didn't believe it. And she ended up telling me, in an almost inaudible voice, to remind him what she had told him before closing her eyes and immediately slipping back into exhausted unconsciousness. Earlier on that day, she had requested to talk with Malahidael. I had thought she was just worried, maybe because Suriel had insisted on letting him sleep during the briefing. But now I wasn't sure; I had no idea about what they had talked, watching from a distance until they finished holding each other in a tight embrace.

I requested that Milouel take care of the preparations for Gienah's body. Angel bodies don't rot away like humans, they stay still, like they're frozen in time until the stones on the wrist are removed. So, we could just make the return to stardust anytime. If was just for me or Lucreziah, we probably would just have done that already. However, Milouel had reminded me that probably Malahidael would like some kind of farewell after getting some strength back, so I left the task with him.

It didn't take long for me to return back to Saturn. Still, it bothered me that Suriel refused to wait for proper clearance. Nevertheless, to find Malahidael still sobbing loudly, clinging to Suriel almost made me rethink that. The blonds still quietly arguing about whether to remove the spear or not. I just walked there and, on purpose, made a cut on the palm of my hand with the metal blade sticking out of his skin; a small line of my red grace brightened before the cut healed by itself.

"No poison. So, remove it already."

They appeared to be surprised for just a moment. Then Suriel held him even more, somehow bringing him nearer his body, bending his head to whisper something in Malahidael's ear, which served to just annoy me even more. Especially when Nainah pulled the spear from his flesh and he didn't do more than whimper. I wondered why he was still awake while he was so exhausted like that, he was obviously fighting against the rest that he should've been taking now.

Lucreziah appeared bringing the pieces of his armor that had been left behind on Earth. I examined it while Nainah stopped applying pressure on the wound and started bandaging his shoulder, the grace that was escaping there was very slim and the white color was matte and weak, showing how much he had expended of his own power. It was a considerable amount of damage on the armor, made by a divine metal that would have killed him if he'd been struck in a more vital place. It had to have been a surprisingly strong demon to have a weapon like that and the strength to still hurt him through an archangel body and armor. It made me worry.

"I want you to go to Mars **[14]**." I turned to face Lucreziah handing back the damaged piece of the green armor to her.

"Now?" she asked, raising an eyebrow, doubt all written inside her dark blue eyes. I didn't understand why, normally she had just done what I asked without batting an eye. We'd known each other for a very long time and didn't need many words to understand each other, many times it looked like she could read my thoughts.

"Yes," I reinforced, "I trust your judgment to find a good candidate, I want a replacement quick-"

"What are you saying?!" The shout behind me was full of anger. I turned, shell-shocked, to find Malahidael struggling to crawl out of Suriel's arms.

"'Dael… calm down, little brother…" Suriel was trying to hold him, avoiding his injured arm and shoulder.

What caught my attention was the fury in those purple eyes, that fury was directed at me. I blinked at him, very much surprised, to not say hurt, for the way he was looking at me. He was just a sweet being, I had seen him express many moods before between happiness and sadness, but never in rage.

"Don't you care even a bit? Wasn't she our sister? So, what are we to you? Nothing more than disposable tools that can be replaced at any time without even a second thought?"

I stay frozen not knowing how to react to that sudden unexpected attack and when finally I found something to say, it was all the wrong words. "Not you. You are the only one that can't be replaced." I knew as soon as it left my lips, but it was too late to take it back.

Malahidael started to struggle against Suriel's arms more vigorously like a wounded animal wanting to attack me. I felt the cold hand of Nainah pulling me back, some steps away, and I just let her, too astonished to do anything else.

Suriel got him back in his lap after some fighting and needed to use a bit more of a fierce attitude than he normally would. The wrapping of his shoulder had loosened letting some more of his grace leak off while he was still struggling. And finally, Suriel caught him by both arms, shaking him to stop. It was the words, more than his rough action toward our so precious little one, that shocked me.

"Stop 'Dael! You know that he didn't mean that... Please, stop before you hurt yourself more. Zechs was just worried about your safety. Of course he was upset about Gienah, we all are. But you… you're still here and it's with you that we need to place our care now. Please, baby brother, calm down... it's ok, it's ok..."

It was shocking that Suriel was kind of defending me, I would never have expected him to do that. And it worked, Malahidael just stopped struggling and let himself be held against Suriel's chest again, crying louder and sobbing hard. I could hear his muffled shaking words saying that it was his fault, again and again.

Suriel was whispering in his ear, smoothing his hair, rubbing his back, rocking back and forth with him until he started to actually calm down. I couldn't hear what he was saying; I wanted to say that wasn't his fault, that it was Gienah's duty protect him, that it was the duty of all of us to keep him safe, that any of us would be glad to give our lives to guard him. Still, I kept my mouth shut, not even because of Nainah's gaze telling me to, but because I knew that Suriel knew better what the younger needed to hear that time.

I couldn't help but feel jealous, envious of that skill, able to make him feel better that easily while I just made things worse even unintentionally. Envious of that proximity they share. Envy, there was no other word to describe it. Nainah always insisted that was because Suriel was with him since the very beginning, but I wasn't sure. I came not long ago but she was there almost all his life too, and he also didn't trust her in the same completely and deep way that he trusts Suriel.

"Are you ok?" Lucreziah asked at my side with a strange and worried stare.

"Go…" I said and then took hold of her hand for a second, it was too late for what happened to Gienah, but that outburst of Malahidael's made me think, even against all my standards, that we could try something different for the selection of the new archangel "... try to find someone… _friendly_."

She gave a tug on my hand and with a comprehensive smiled and a twinkle she flew to Mars to accomplish my orders.

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written: Apr/29 and Sep/04, Re-written at Zech's Pov: Nov/11/2017 - Published: Dec/24/2017_

 _Beta Reader: SFA and Cylina Nightshade (Dec/2017)_

 _Last change: Dec/23/2017_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[10]** Sodom and Gomorrah; so for some research I made it occur after the Tower of Babel event and before Moses, so, between 2200 BC and 1400 BC, I couldn't find a more approximated year, but there was no need, it's just to give an idea, the ideal time for this story is this occurring around 1600 BC. Also, in this universe, there was no Christ, the mark of year 0 is about another event. I forgot to put in the note about the Great Flood but that event was just before the Tower of Babel, around 2300 BC.

 **[11]** Nemamiah and the earlier mentioned Cassiel are both other angels the same type as Duo/Dael here, they are not related to the series being my creation. The names are from actual angels names, Nemamiah is the angel of just causes and Cassiel is the temperance angel, the names aren't chosen randomly, yet they aren't these angels in my story.

 **[12]** One of the archangels of this story paired with Suriel. Not any of the series's characters. And about the name, well, this is not a real angel name, but fits with the female angels names that I have been using and wanted to use it. Gienah is a star in the constellation Cygnus (Epsilon Cygni), which I have a fish named after. ^_^

 **[13]** Now we have the entire triad (despite the one that just died) of archangels that, also, was part of what 'Dael call 'family'. So, Noin, and I needed to use her other name because there was no way to make Noin angel-ish, and Milou that was the twin brother of Naina in Frozen Teardrop and he looks like Noin. Ah… and now you know that archangel's grace is yellow.

 **[14]** Mars is the fifth sphere of Heaven, in accordance to Dante's Comedy. Here is the place where all the warriors live and had their training.

* * *

 _# I need to thanks so very damn much for all help from **SFA** , that have been helping me a lot with a better development of the ideas in a language that was not my first one. And also, thanks very damn much for **Cylina** , that is my beta-angel with the English even been so busy always finding a time to help me. Kisses and hugs and all good things in the world for both of you!_

 _# This part is the join of two other, Duo and Solo povs, because I was hit with this idea of having an outside perspective would be nice and because my muse was in this Zech's vibe turn into his point of view. Hope you enjoyed see a bit more of this angel world with other eyes, I wanted show how heartless the angels actually are, but also that they don't have the notion about this. Also, a bit of 6+2, who don't love it?_

 _# Thanks to my darling Marl Paz that always leave me sweet comments ^_^. Also thanks to my phantom readers._

 _# I wish all of you have a great Christmas and amazing New Years, that all our wishes come true, and that next year come with lots of inspiration and yaoi and time of course, to write, read and maybe draw a lot. Lots of kisses and hugs!_

 _ **So, this perspective from Zechs was interesting, wasn't?**_


	7. The longest stride

**Ὄνομα  
** **Ónoma**

* * *

 ** _"_ _That first step you take is the longest stride"_**

* * *

I woke at the sound of loud voices, finding myself on a large cushion in the middle of the main hall of our temple. Messy piles of paperwork scattered around on the floor, but I was alone. Almost, because those voices weren't far away, they were muffled as to keep the volume at controlled levels, but the sounds traveled easily in that open space even with the light air **[15]** there. They were from Nainah and Suriel arguing, both clearly upset. Even though she used to scold him a lot, real fights like that were rare. So, it got me fully awake and worried.

I was still weak, not even close to being fully recovered and blinked many times to clear my vision and saw them across the hall behind the large columns. I also needed a bit of concentration to discern what they were saying, almost shouting really, in controlled dark voices.

"... tired of your shit excuses…"

"... don't give a damn…"

"... u can't just abandon your duties like that…"

"... didn't! I asked Hildeth **[16]** to stay with him…"

"... she is new and has her own chorus…"

"... was just a couple of hours…"

"... don't care even if it was only a couple of seconds…"

"... get off my case, mind your own business…"

"... I would, if you'd at least clean up your own mess…"

"... didn't ask you to do anything…"

"... idiot! Should I let Zechsael know that you slipped down to Earth to fuck a human _again_...?"

"..."

"... you know that he doesn't approve you... your ways, why give him an excuse to finally get rid of you? Are you really this stupid, Suriel?"

"..."

"... is it that hard to keep your desire under control? We are in a situation here!"

"... just needed…"

"... yeah, yeah... spare me from the sordid details, I would rather know nothing…"

"... I…"

"... forget it. Just… try harder. In a time like this, if he finds out about it and just goes to the commander claiming that you aren't adequate… you know what it could turn into…"

The room stilled, quiet and heavy. Suriel just brushed his wavy bangs anxiously, rubbing his eyes, trying to find something to say.

They were a bit off the line, more than what was shown on their faces because I could see a tip of their feelings at each phrase, it was from anger and exasperation, through impatience, even disgust, to end in resignation and, what worried me more, deep concern. My exhausted brain was still trying to piece that conversation together.

It was Nainah that continued, "I don't really care what you..." I could just see her disapproving look pointing down at his waist "... _do_ , but you should be more _discreet_." She made a pause turning to look at clouds outside, her body showing her discomfort and the next words came lower. "It's just me, Milouel and you who've known him from the beginning now. The others don't seem to know how much 'Dael needs your... that he needs you. So, please… stop acting carelessly like that, if not for yourself, then for 'Dael's sake."

She didn't leave him time to reply, and I felt like he wouldn't know how to respond to that anyway. I, myself, wasn't sure about the implications of that, still, it left me with a bad, sensation a dark cold shiver running up my spine. Nainah spun in her soft sandals, walking away from him, right in my direction, just to stop suddenly when her grey bored eyes found me awake and looking in their direction.

"Malahidael…" her voice was surprised for a second and she averted her gaze so as not to meet mine, looking a bit embarrassed "How are you feeling?"

"Better, I think…"

My eyes looked for Suriel but he averted his eyes too, looking down at his own feet, I couldn't decide what he was feeling with the dire look on his face.

"Think?" Nainah called my attention, raising an eyebrow. "It's nothing serious. Don't worry about it." Her voice sounded soft, in a calming tone, wanting to put me at ease at the same time she was trying to discover how much I had listened. Still, I couldn't buy it.

"Looked pretty serious to me."

She came closer, kneeling and started to put some order to those scrolls, more to have something to do; her body language showing nothing but discomfort. "Sorry..." her murmur was full of embarrassment and I wasn't sure if it was said to me or Suriel, since she didn't look at either of us.

"Now that you have some strength back in you, go to your room… so you can sleep better than here."

I felt hurt and excluded with her cold words. "Suriel…" I turned to him, pleading like I always did when I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't so naive as to not notice that there was something going on here. He didn't raise his eyes to look at me, just walked in heavy steps to lean in by her side, fussing over what should be his work there.

"Go rest a little more in your room, baby brother, I will check on you later…"

That hurt even more, I wanted to shout at them, demanding an explanation. I couldn't stand the thoughts that were swirling around in my mind. However, I wasn't sure if I wanted to know all about it. Even if what Suriel, or any of them, did wasn't my business, nor shouldn't be, even so... My chest was hurting too much so I just flew away.

I shouldn't have, I knew it and they should have known too. I think they were just too caught off guard by the moment to realize, but I should have reminded them, that I hadn't recovered enough yet. The flight to my room expended what little energy that I had gained back, I almost thought that I wouldn't make it.

I felt even worse sprawled on that cold floor, totally exhausted with no strength even to crawl to my bed. The tears flooded my eyes, brightening in the dark, and I just stayed there, feeling lonely and afraid of something that I couldn't possibly have hoped to identify.

I wasn't sure how much time I spent there in that pitiful state, probably less than I realized, but it felt like an eternity to me. It wouldn't take very long anyway for Suriel, at least, to realize that I should have still been too weak to fly. Eventually I heard the sound of his metallic wings and felt his anxiousness at not seeing me immediately on the bed. It took a minute before he caught sight of my long wings on the floor.

"Oh god… I'm sorry, 'Dael… I… I'm so sorry…" he rushed, circling the bed, to take me off of the floor and into his arms. "Why didn't you say something…?" He chastised softly.

I was glad that he couldn't actually see my feelings, even though I knew I was showing them on my face much more than I wanted. I was boneless in his arms, unable to hide anything in my condition and let him put me gently on the bed, my hand grabbing his arm before he could abandon me there. "Stay…"

His smile was a bit sad, but he carefully lowered himself down onto the bed next to me so that we were facing one another, concern was written all over his face. Yet, he didn't say anything, probably still trying to avoid my questions.

"Why?" I asked simply.

He closed his eyes for a moment, and when they opened once more, the icy gray was warmed with some flecks of absinthe green surrounding the pupil. "We just didn't want to bother you…"

I let all my annoyance appear on my face at his attempts to leave me out the matter and countered petulantly, "Seemed to be... _grave_."

His smile grew, a bit fake, and a finger came tracing my jawline, poking at my pert nose. "See… bothered! No, baby brother, it was nothing out of the ordinary… it was just Nainah getting on my case… you know how _they_ are…" he finished sticking his tongue out at me.

"She mentioned the commander…" I insisted, needing to know.

"I'm telling you, it was nothing that serious. You already have enough to deal with on your own… please don't be upset about that, little brother."

"I just… I don't want to lose anybody else… don't want to lose you…" I couldn't hold back and grabbed him burying my face against his collarbone, not able to face that possibility.

"You won't." He held me firm, trying to give the assurance that I needed. "You won't. The only one that can send me away is you… if you don't want me to be by your side anymore."

"That's never gonna happen." Was my resolute retort, his arms straightened around me.

"You know… that you are the most important to me, don't you?" his tone was heavy and serious. I blinked a couple of times against his skin, but he didn't leave me space to look up at him. Of course, he wasn't lying, but that could have meant a lot of things. I wasn't ready to ask him what; especially not after just facing the fact that he had a lover down on Earth.

I stayed quiet and he didn't press for my answer. I don't know how long I stayed wrapped tightly in his arms, I probably ended up dozing off for a bit, because the next thing I knew there was some space in bed between us and he was just looking absently at the ceiling, one hand holding and turning a strand of my hair between his calloused fingers.

"Can I ask you something?" I ventured softly into the quiet stillness surrounding us.

I saw the surprise when he looked at me, "Anything you want, anything you need, baby brother."

Those plain, sincere words made me feel a bit unsure if I should ask, yet I needed to know, "How is it?"

"What?" His eyes shone with genuine confusion.

"How is it… having a lover?"

The normally tanned skin of his face went pale, he was clearly startled, snapping back "How long…? How much did you hear?"

"Not sure…" I deflected, unwilling to let him change the subject.

"It's not... I… I…" he looked away, embarrassed and lost, struggling with words.

"Do you love that person very much?"

"No! No, baby brother, it's not like that…." He grabbed my arms, I was just as confused as he was guilty, and he bent to bury his face in my chest. That changing of places showed me just how strained he must have been feeling, so instead I just focused on the fresh, clean smell of his thin fine, clear hair. It reminded me of the sweet, gentle breezes of Earth, which always helped me calm my soul.

"Tell me… I'm not judging, just curious… I would never dare ask Nainah how it is between her and Milou..." I pressed gently, running my fingers through the silken strands.

"Did you know about them?" Suriel looked up at me, showing real surprise at the revelation.

"I'm not that dumb… I see things happening around me." I chided, frowning in a feigned offense.

"'Dael…" his voice was full of concern, a different concern that wasn't about his own behavior.

"I know… I 'm not going to say anything to anyone. It's just you and me here…" It hurt me deeply that he felt the need to explain to me that I should keep secret the forbidden relationship between our sister and brother.

"Don't you find it... _wrong_?" I see trepidation coloring his voice

I was perplexed by his question, by him thinking that of me. "Of course not! Why would I?"

Suriel batted his clear eyelashes at me, seemingly astonished that I really didn't find anything wrong with it. "I just… I thought that you wouldn't approve it, because of what you are-"

I interrupted him, shaking my head and trying to hold back my tears, losing a bit of my gentleness, "What am I? So, what am I to you? Just a tool that can handle the energy of everything better any other? Am I just your precious duty?" I asked bitterly at the idea that somehow that was all that I would ever be to him, to anyone.

"No, no, no…" He shifted, gathering me in his arms, using a bit of force to hold me when I tried to shove him off. "No, you are not just a tool, not to me, not to any of the others. We love and cherish you very much, little brother… you are my morning light **[17]**. I just thought, because it's a sin and it's forbidden… that you could not..." He stammered, tripping over his words as he sought to comfort and reassure me.

"I can't see any sin. It appears to be love in my eyes, so why should it be wrong? I truly don't understand why it's called taboo… so I can't agree with that. Anyway, I'm not judging, I just want to know what it's like to be with someone that you love. Tell me... how is it for you?" I asked again, hoping to not let too much of my frustration and melancholy sound in my words.

I felt, strangely, more than I saw the shame and regret in his eyes, he was having a hard time keeping his feelings shut inside, hidden deep behind a wall that was supposed to be impenetrable. "I'm sorry 'Dael, it's not like the love that's held between Naina and Milou…" he released me, putting some space between us, too self-conscious in his battle against himself, not even able to look at me. "It's not like that, there was no love… For me, it's just physical, sometimes… sometimes I need some release… I… it's just lust… Nainah was right I shouldn't do it, it's a weakness… I… I'm sorry for being this way..."

Aside from his obvious grief, I was surprised and completely relieved, washed with a bright white wave of security, knowing that his heart wasn't taken by an unknown human. I couldn't help but crawl into his lap, using all the strength left in me, before suddenly feeling a burst of boldness explode inside my chest and pulling his face down to me, kissing his lips; It was rough like that other one on the beach, I was insecure and obviously inexperienced, not sure what to do. He stayed still, the way he always stayed in those all too brief moments where I dared to kiss him on the lips. I was sure that he never understood that I really meant to kiss him, that I wanted him to kiss me back.

I drew back, to see his eyes, they were feverish, almost more green than gray now, still full of doubts as he was trying to understand what that meant. So, I leaned in again, hesitantly sucking his lower lip, before kissing him again and again. It was just after the third time I kissed him, that he stopped me before I reached his lips.

"'Dael… What are you doing?" his voice sounded calm, but I could see a bit of the turmoil of his emotions, even if it wasn't enough to sort it out.

"Show me…" I whispered forcing my way forward to touch his mouth, placing another small kiss, "Show me what a lover's kiss is like…"

My lips were trembling, as was my whole body and, for once, it was not just the tiredness taking over me. I had no idea what he could be thinking and I was a bit afraid. Afraid of him hating it, that I would be rejected. "I'm curious…" I murmured, without actually parting our lips, but moistening both with my tongue, fervently praying that he would give me some kind of reaction.

Somehow it worked. Suriel surrendered his iron will, lips moving over mine for the first time, his tongue shyly tracing the line between my lips, making me open them. His kiss was sweet and careful, his tongue reaching the inside of my mouth, finding mine and coiling around it smoothly.

I opened my mouth wider to allow him better access, my fingers digging into his skull, wanting more, trying to get a better angle, sucking his tongue deeper into my mouth. And then, suddenly, he stopped holding back, tilting my head to devour me. It was all I wanted and more. His large hands traveling along the curve of my spine, even over the fabric of my tunic, showing me how strong his passion could be. The only thing I could wish to add was seeing the true depth of his feelings, to know what that would mean to him, if that desire could be for me or if it was just the lust that he claimed to be his weakness that I had just awaken. I felt sad for feeling like it was never enough what he was giving me.

I wanted to taste every bit of him, feeling every sensation that he was causing on my worn body. I didn't know that a kiss could be like that, my body seemingly taking on a will of its own, my arms coming up to circle around his neck and shoulders, trying to pull him ever closer to me, if that was even possible. I couldn't believe that he kissed a human the same way, would breathing even be possible? I didn't want it to end, I just wondered how it would be if he also loved me, not just granting me a wish, not just to satiate my curiosity, but also wanting to kiss me breathless like a human should be, making my lips swollen under his, making my body melt pressed tightly against his.

It was like a blissful dream that I wished could last forever. I didn't open my eyes when he gently pushed me back, settling me against his chest with his arms, I wanted to see nothing, thinking of nothing that could ruin that magic moment. I tried desperately to not cling to him, to not pay attention to the stiffness and tension of his body. I let him hold me, rocking us. "There, there… rest now my baby brother, you need some more rest…" I let the kindness of his voice and the sweet taste of him on my tongue guide me towards the land of dreams that I sincerely wished have more light than darkness this time.

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written: Mar/16/2017 and Dec/12/2017 - Published: Jan/19/2018_

 _Beta Reader: SFA (Dec/2017) and Cylina Nightshade (Jan/2018)_

 _Last change: Jan/15/2018_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[15]** Physics lesson time: sound travels better and faster in thick materials like I said before the atmosphere in Saturn was basically formed by hydrogen and helium, those are much lighter atoms than oxygen and nitrogen that make up the air on earth. That's why the comment, sorry for the nerd time here! :p

 **[16]** Yeah, Hilde here, I needed to add a 'th' to get her name angel-ish, hope was not too strange.

 **[17]** "Fake Wings", Kajiura Yuki, AmaLee version. SFA has shown me that music that is just so much the situation of them that I needed to aggregate it on the text.

* * *

 _# So much thanks and love and every good wish in the world for **SFA** and **Cylina** for all help they give to me._

 _# I'm sorry for the amount of dialogue, I don't really like this format, but I thought that would be a good way of showing what was going on without much explanations and details, If I needed explain more could be boring, I thought that format for an overhead conversation would fit well._

 _# Thanks to my sweet Marl Paz for so much support, and Larkfall for the review._

 _# I'm working hard on chapter 8 from Where my demons hide and will come soon. And the next for this one will take a while, I need to keep up some of my delay in the main story because we are almost in the middle of this one and reaching the critical part!_

 ** _So, Duo's first kiss, how was it?_**


	8. Free ride

**-** Happy birthday to me and present to you!

 **Warnings** : Naina's Pov

* * *

 **Ὄνομα  
** **Ónoma**

* * *

 ** _"Don't take the free ride in your own life"_**

* * *

There was something strange in the air. Not a pleasant kind of strange. I had been watching those two dancing around each other since almost the beginning of Malahidael's life. Originally, Suriel had been given the solo task of being his guardian. Actually, he was the first one that 'Dael had seen when he opened his eyes for the first time in his physical form. So, the bond that existed between them was beyond what I could understand, what anyone could understand.

It was not longer after Dael's first mission when the commander in charge at that time, noticed that just one guardian wasn't enough. So the guardians were allowed to choose two more, plus a triad of archangels to compose a whole guard. I didn't know Suriel before, but I was in the main troop at his side on that mission; he said that I had an amazing background and my participation in the mission had impressed him when he choose me first.

I was very confident in my abilities and, obviously, had done my best on that very important mission, yet, I had this sneaking suspicion that he was just sparing himself from doing research and actually looking and making the selection. It became clear quickly that Suriel didn't like doing administrative and researching tasks, things that I didn't particularly mind doing. Also, he had this strong connection and understanding about 'Dael's needs and the little nuances of his personality, which was completely beyond my area of expertise. Because of that, we just formed an effective partnership, with trust and each filling in where the other lacked. He let me take care of most the tasks for him, even selecting the other members of our crew, including Milouel, without questioning my judgment or even raising an eyebrow. I was pretty sure that he knew that there was something more between us, but he never said a word.

We were all warriors, living in the classic stoic angels' manner for so long and were put in charge protecting and caring for one so young and sensitive without preparation. It was very difficult to understand how different he truly was; for the longest time, I felt confused whenever I was around him. I had never dealt with my own feelings, letting them be locked in the deepest part inside me, it was a battle just for Milouel to convince me to admit that I felt a certain affinity for him. And being around 'Dael, even without the ability to 'see' feelings, I needed to learn how to deal with someone who appeared to wear their heart on their sleeve.

Malahidael felt things in the purest and strongest way I ever had seen. He let his feelings and emotions flow freely, spreading to everyone around him. However, I learned. We all learned because it was impossible to not be fond of him, to not want to take care of him, to not feel the need to protect him. It was easy understanding how special he was since first time his exotic purple gaze met mine with a sincere smile.

Just to bring that smile to his lips and the sparkle to his eyes, we accepted many things that were considered most unorthodox in the Heavenly way of life. Like, being called 'family', calling him 'little brother', the short names that he liked to use for us, and using a shortened version of his name because he somehow disliked being called Malahidael. I lost count of how many times I needed to suppress a strong maternal feeling toward him. We learned to tolerate his escaping to Earth, that drew him for some reason that we never could see. We were able to live with his need for contact, for smiles, to touch, even it was much stronger toward Suriel, we could see inside those big bright expressive eyes how much he needed the attention. We just bent, as much as a personality molded by the fierceness and straightness of the stars could be bent, just for his sake. Suriel more than any other.

However, our 'family' eventually lost two of its members a few millennia later. And with the increasing number of missions and the replacement of the commander, after the incident with Cassiel, things became… complicated. And with our most recent loss, it all filled me with an undeniable sense of dread knowing that 'Dael had been depressed for a while and after losing Gienah, he would drown in self guilt. I was counting on Suriel being able to handle and help him like he always did. Unfortunately, it didn't happen this time.

Somehow I had the peculiar sensation that it had been my fault, and I couldn't shake it off. The atmosphere between them became strange after the day that 'Dael overheard us arguing. I never asked how much he had heard. Suriel had stayed with him for a while that night, and when he came back, I had already finished doing all his late work. I could tell something was truly wrong, a dark heavy silence followed him, and through his stoic expression I could see furrows of concern. After that, they appeared to be drifting away from each other, silently and slowly. It became more and more common to find the novice, Hildeth, watching 'Dael instead Suriel, especially when his time of recovery was coming to an end and 'Dael started spending more hours awake than sleeping; it was rare to see Suriel near when he wasn't sleeping.

No one appeared to notice, or if they did, not a word had been said out loud. I should've asked. We were not talkative beings at all, accustomed to holding everything inside and minding our own business. Yet, it was bothering me to the point that I couldn't ignore it any longer.

Zechsael, both our archangels, and myself were just returning from a briefing with the commander. I wasn't happy at all having orders to start doing the mapping and research for the next mission. It was too soon, and I wasn't sure how long 'Dael still needed to be fully recovered physically and even less sure if he would be psychologically ready any time soon. I knew him, and I knew he would hate every part of this mission, some more than others, and his state was already disquieting. A good thing was that he wouldn't be needed until the very end. However, we still had some time and I knew I had to confront Suriel to get things resolved between them as soon as possible. Or else, we wouldn't be able to do it.

The first place I went to was 'Dael's chamber, to find that he was sleeping and, as expected, Suriel wasn't with him. I kept admonishing Zechsael that his abnormally long period of recovery was about Gienah, which was not a lie, once I really did not know what was happening and it was obviously hard on him to lose her in the manner that we had.

I sighed, making Hildeth jump from the floor where she had been absorbed reading a combat manual, dismayed that she had failed to notice my presence, despite that it was one that was not easily overlooked. With so many things happening, worrying about our newest addition blatant unpreparedness was something I was not happy about.

"Is he any better?" I asked, trying to keep my voice a whisper so as to not disturb our slumbering ward, yet the coldness of my voice and, probably, the annoyance that I didn't care to hide, made her shiver while she rushed to stand.

I was expecting an answer, even if it wasn't really needed. She fumbled her words and I could tell she was afraid of being blamed for the fact there had been little change somehow. I couldn't swallow another frustrated sigh that made her shiver again.

Zechsael was a model of perfect soldier, a legend in Mars, the definition of allegiance and conformity. He wouldn't accept anything less than perfection, and Lucretiah, being trained by him, followed the very same model. That's why he never could swallow Suriel's attitude, it was lucky that Suriel held the most important position there and he couldn't say a thing. Or rather, he couldn't before the change of commanders; this new one had him on the highest pedestal which was not entirely a good thing. Regardless, he was normally very predictable, so I was truly surprised with his choice for Gienah's replacement. There was nothing particularly remarkable in her history, no special abilities or skills, she was just an ordinary archangel with the basic training. I didn't say a thing but it took me awhile to figure out why Lucretiah had chosen her when there were so many better warriors, and how Zechs could approve it.

It was when 'Dael was introduced to Hildeth that I got a clue. To us, she simply looked scared and unsure all the time, but near him, she opened up instantly, being at ease and friendly. That made me realize how much that explosion from 'Dael had affected Zechsael. I, myself, hadn't decided yet if I agreed with their decision. Even considering the high level of attention that our youngest demanded, I had a strange feeling about her. Something that I couldn't explain just bothered me. However, in light of 'Dael being surprised and delighted with her smiling face, I, again, kept my silence.

"Do you know Suriel's whereabouts?" I asked, feeling the urgency to confront him about the situation and the discomfort of being near her, fidgeting and averting her eyes as if she was expecting me to attack her at any time.

"He had some paperwork to do..." she replied, finally showing some semblance of security. Maybe it was a bit mean, but I couldn't avoid a snort. She didn't know, but paperwork was the only thing I was sure that he wouldn't be doing. I just turned and walked away, caring more to keep my boot heels from clacking on the marble because of Malahidael's rest, than her shocked expression.

I was completely huffy when I finally found Suriel. He was braced against a column outside, far from 'Dael's chamber, looking absently at the bright clouds that covered everything around our temple. I didn't hold back and walked straight to him, making sure that he could hear my irritation through my heels on the marble floor. I didn't care that he appeared to be in a deep thoughtful moment, I had called **[18]** him and he hadn't answered me, forcing me to look for him in every place imaginable, including the library doing paperwork where I knew he wouldn't be. Given everything else, I definitely wasn't in any mood to play games.

"What in the burning hell is happening between you two?" I confronted him, not giving a damn to be polite or subtle. I knew where everyone else was, no one was within earshot of us.

Suriel clenched his eyes shut, but didn't turn in my direction. I thought that he would just disappear from there, avoiding the talk, so I rushed and grabbed the base of his wing, to prevent him from flying away.

"What are you talking about, Nainah?" He said, finally turning to me, with a rough jerk releasing his wing from my hand. His look was very irritated and annoyed, but I was also feeling that way myself, maybe even more than him and I didn't it let go as I usually would have. I had been piling things up in silence for too long.

"Enough of this charade, Suriel! I can close my eyes when it's needed, but I'm not blind. What is going on between 'Dael and you?"

He let out a heavy and tiresome sigh, closing his eyes again and rubbed the red band on his forehead. I thought, for sure, that he would find a way to avoid the subject, but then... he didn't. He opened his icy gray eyes to let me see that he was totally lost, obviously needing, almost desperate for some guidance.

I wasn't prepared for that. His simple surrendering just threw me down in an abyss. I came prepared to fight with him, to yell, to lecture him, to demand and, probably, drag the answers out by force. He caught me off guard with this full trust, opening up that way, showing me all his confusion and insecurities so easily. I couldn't comprehend it and that behavior just made me more worried.

"'Dael is... lost so deep within himself, I can't…. reach him. I... I don't know what to do…" He was so unsure, his eyes brightened with that absinthe green around the pupils, giving me a feverish and needy look as if he was wishing that I had some answer.

I didn't. I was expecting that he was the one that had some. I need to put myself together, under that wistful stare. "Did he tell you something? Anything?"

Suriel shook his head in denial, but the way he averted his eyes, losing his sight in the heavily clouded sky, showed me that wasn't telling me everything. "He…. I've been trying to make him talk about his depression… but he didn't…"

"Well, it doesn't surprise me, who would like to talk about their weaknesses?" I added trying to keep him talking. To me, it seemed very normal not wanting to discuss anything that was inside ourselves, yet we kind of knew what was making him depressed and that wasn't exactly what I was asking for. "We know that he didn't exactly 'agree' with these missions and doing them is very hard on him... but..." I felt like I was walking on something very fragile, my guts weren't sure if they wanted to go that way, but I couldn't find another way to ask. "He had been dealing with it until now, then... what changed?" My voice came out lower unintentionally as if I was asking for some secret; deep down I knew I was.

Suriel sighed again, moving his eyes to one of the columns there, looking slowly from top to bottom, like he had never seen its details before. I knew that he still wasn't telling me everything, carefully choosing his words, sorting what to say, and, as much as I didn't want to know everything, if he wanted me to help, he should, at least, tell me enough to guess at it. "I'm not sure..." he mumbled "Maybe things are just piling up too much for him to deal with it. Before, we had bigger intervals between the missions, so he was able to... recover better..."

"Even though, there is still time enough for him to recover." I stated, trying very hard not be annoyed with him, giving me useless pieces of information that I already knew.

"It's not…" he bit his bottom lip for a second, a bit hard, letting it become swollen and red before turned that serious grayish gaze to me. "It's not just physical. Those missions expend more than his grace. It's mental…" he stopped for a moment, correcting himself, "It's something deeper… in his soul." The last word came in an odd tone, full of an unusual weight, his eyes telling me that he wasn't sure if I would be able to understand, nor if he did. "It's like he was hurt inside, and these wounds haven't been healing lately. Actually, I'm not sure if they healed before. Inside, he is so... broken."

"I don't know if I can understand..." I mumbled, looking at my combat boots, really trying to piece everything together, trying to find a motive that he was still trying to avoid giving me directly.

"Neither do I… It's just what it seemed like to me. I think that maybe he used to hide the pain, those wounds, but now... it's just so much that he can't handle it anymore…" Shaking his head with a soft groan, Suriel buried his face behind both of his large hands before slowly rubbing them upward, brushing the fine, golden curls of his hair as he tilted his face skyward. "I tried, so many times, but he won't talk to me."

Facing his frustration, it came to me that he had been dealing with it all alone much longer than any of us could imagine. In the end, the truth was that we simply didn't feel things the same way Malahidael did, so we couldn't understand, it was like his eyes saw a different world than ours did.

"So... adding all of it at Gienah's death..." I said, crinkling my nose when he shook his head positively because something still didn't fit in. "Then, why are you running away from him?" He widened his eyes in surprise and opened his mouth, but no sound came out. "Come on Suriel. You basically have been pushing Hildeth to his side any chance you get. Since you are the closest one to him, shouldn't you have been the one trying to..." I struggled to find a word that fit appropriately "... comfort him instead?"

"I thought... since they appeared to get along well-"

"Bullshit!" I cut him off, tired of dancing around what I have been asking since the beginning, I just wanted to put it all in clean plates **[19]**. I grabbed the front of his tunic forcing him to look at my face flushed in irritation. "If it's true that he felt this deeply hurt, he obviously needs you, his best friend, the one that was by his side since always. And you know that there is no way someone that he just met, even having some things in common, could help him in the same level that you could. Come on, his recovery time should be long passed and he is still needing to sleep, he didn't run away even once and I could notice him just with this lost look, staring at nothing... this is not like him. Aren't you worried?"

He grabbed at my wrists in an automatic conditioned response, but controlled it just in time. He again averted his eyes instead of trying to withdraw from my grasp. "Are you complaining that he actually is following the rules?" There was a ghost of a smirk on his lips, but I didn't let him waste more of my time, and shook him making his eyes find the seriousness in mine.

"Stop fooling around. I can't help you to help him if you don't tell me what is fucking going on between you two?" I rolled my eyes at my own words, I really didn't like to talk like that, but I had passed beyond the limit of my patience, which wasn't that big to begin with. It worked and he finally appeared to understand that I could help, and more than that, I was wanting to help.

Suriel sighed, his expression shifted back to being lost and concerned again. He needed to avert his eyes to finally get the words out of his mouth. "He is confused…" he stopped, fidgeting a little and I decided to let him go, giving him some space to be more comfortable to tell whatever it was. Also, I need to give myself some space. Of course, with 'Dael it was different, and with Milouel too, but never felt right having anyone else this near; even if I was the one that grabbed him, it felt like an invasion of my personal space.

"And I'm afraid of making him more confused... That day, he heard too much and started asking… things." He spun turning his back to me, shoulders tense and slumped as if defeated. "Maybe trying to understand about love or just out of curiosity. He thought that I had a lover down on Earth and wanted to know how it was." he stopped again, gathering words or thoughts. That feeling of guilt hitting me hard once more, making me wonder if I was more worried about being the cause of the situation than the situation itself. However, I had a more concerning thing to worry about with his next words.

"He knows about y-" Suriel cut himself off and turned to me, stepping closer and lowering his voice. "His soul is so pure, he doesn't see any... sin." It was an assurance, yet all that information was so unexpected, I didn't know what to think of it. It probably was better not to think about it at all, but rather to wait to tell Milouel later; he was better in that... topic. I just shook my head indicating for him to continue.

"I had told him before that I would do anything for him and begged him to tell me what to do **[20]** , because I didn't know..." he made that frustrate gesture again, rubbing hands on face and sliding to his hair, this time still holding it while looking up with eyes moving fast as he really didn't know what to say, or maybe what he could say.

"And… did he?"

"He is confused, so sad, so deeply hurt, he might be trying to find a way to… fix what's hurting inside, I just don't think he understands what he asked me…" I frowned, wrinkles forming on my forehead as my eyebrows drew together, but before I asked he said fiercely, "What he asked me, I cannot give to him."

It was the turn of my eyes to go wide; I was shocked and surprised and couldn't hide anything for a short moment. I saw the uncertainty inside his eyes, and made a gesture to stop with my hand not really able to say a word, but didn't want him stepping back once we were already this far in the conversation. I always trusted him, and even been aware that his feelings toward our ward were not just brotherly, I was sure that he knew his position, our position, and would not dare... anything. That was the reason that he 'needed' to pursue any human brunette with long and rich brown hair that he could find. With his statement that he really couldn't, I shoved off all implications that declaration could have put in my mind.

I sucked in a large amount of air, even though I didn't really need it, just to fill my chest with something while I tried to focus on some sort of... solution. It was a fragile path, made of broken glass, at the edge of a dark and deep ravine. My guts were twisted and I faced the clouds as he had done so many times, it would be nice if there was something written there.

I finally understood why Suriel had been keeping his distance. Yet, the core of the problem remained, and if 'Dael wouldn't have said anything to Suriel, for sure, he wouldn't talk with any other. We probably wouldn't even know how to approach him. And his confusion would not just vanish out of the blue. Malahidael was so full of layers and surprises, that even if we treat him as a child sometimes, I'm not sure if he hadn't had the maturity to deal with this by himself. Yet with Suriel around, even if he was trying to stay in the shadows...

"I have an idea," I said a bit too loud in the still silence around us. I was very sure about it, and my mind started racing, planning what I needed to do to convince him and the others of it.

* * *

 _Diana Lua  
_ _Diana C. Figueiredo_

 _Written: Dec/09/2017 re-written at Nainah's POV in Feb/17/2018_ _\- Published: July/18/2018_

 _Beta Reader: SFA (June/2018) and Cylina Nightshade (July/2018)_

 _Last change: July/18/2018_

* * *

 **Notes:**

 **[18]** Angels can call each other mentally and in private, through the use of the names.

 **[19]** 'put in clean plates' is a Brazilian idiom that means the same as 'put out in the open' I just thought, also SFA too, that would be interesting keep it, instead use the English match one.

 **[20]** In the fourth part: 'Broken Heart' when they are at the beach on Earth.

* * *

 _# I was willing to wait until day 28 to post this one... because it will be the first year of this story, but... I couldn't, I'm too anxious. Yet, I need to tell you that I'm stopping this story until I catch up a few chapters in 'Where my demons hide'. I'm working_ in _chapter 9 there but probably just after chapter 12 or 13, that this one will have updates. Sorry about that!_

 _# I loved to do this in Naina's Pov, and it felt_ soooooo _much like me when I have a new internship..._ hahahaha _, I'm so terrible to work with..._

 _# My thanks to Marl Paz for the support, and SFA for not having regrets! :)_

 _# Of course, my thanks and love for **SFA** and **Cylina** , even with so short time helping me a lot with the English here! _

**_Feedback still being a dream that my muse has!  
So, this other perspective was interesting as Zech's one?_**


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